don't let the darkness eat you up

when i was a young girl we sat under trees,

you told me stories in the dark of night

you whispered the secrets of the universe into my ear.

and i fell in love

one day i woke up and walked to school,

i came home and called my sister

walked to the store

and ate 16 carrot sticks

i sat under trees and waited

i walked dark streets and i hoped to see your face

i stopped

i walked away

i made myself my own safe place

and i slowly faded away

Dark Dark Dark

i love macintosh apples, the ones you eat,

i love the dark red skins, the creamy white inside.

so bright its almost blinding...

if snow white ate a poison apple.

it would be a macintosh,

the texture on your tongue, its sweet and crisp, like a cold cloud.

when i sit down with you, drift into your arms,

when you lift my chin,

its like i'm sinking into that crisp apple.

that dark delicious

pure white

hopeful. hard. place.

don't drop me

Not Your Lover

I see things in stiff bright colors

And the words come tumbling out

I find my soul expanding

And then contracting

I wait for the unknown

And am not satisfied

I turn on sad songs

And go to sleep

I will not sleep, I will not wait

I see, I feel, I find,

And when I do, the world shines

Down Down Down

have you found out yet that it's hard to fall in love,

and even harder to fall in and out of it.

its emptying and each time it hurts.

why is it that for a week i can be ok,

even happy,

and then it hurts.

it hurts in my heart,

in my soul.

for a while i can fall asleep all by my self,

no help needed,

and then i need you next to me.

i was happy you were gone

i was free and the world seemed to have more air in it then before,

but now your back and i cant breath

and i cant focus

and i cant sleep.

help me,

let me go,

let me walk away,

let me find my own adventures.

i was happy when you went away.

i don't want to hurt you... i just want to save myself.

when i am with you its like i am drowning and only you can save me.

but i need to save myself,

here comes a feeling you thought you'd forgotten

he sets down his pen an looks right at her, deep eyes into darker eyes, away she went down the rabbit hole,

:not today:

(look away, look away, look away)

"i am glad your here, but i'm unhappy"

"what?"

"i want control of my mind back for a while.... give me a year or two, umm maybe six, i promise i still want you, i also need my own mind"

"i still need you"

"i need you too:i still want you:"

eyes shut

The bearers of all good things arrive, climb inside us, twist and cry

she sits down

blue paper

blue pen

hand... ready

mind...

hmmm...

coming.

list

Things To Do

comm HW

HSC paper

...

sit in sun

Change world

marry walter

...

psy test

so... better do that,

light clicks off

crawl under comforter

close eyes

melt

nobody makes me feel this way

smooth ice. crisp stars. laughter. fingers tingle. cheeks numb. soft hands. your whispering in my ear. the cold is bitting my eyes. shiver. heart beat. face in neck. soap...

"i may be in love with you"

unknown. warm lips on my forehead. now cheeks. hmmm. no longer cold. brightest stars. ice skating on late january nights.