Down Down Down

have you found out yet that it's hard to fall in love,

and even harder to fall in and out of it.

its emptying and each time it hurts.

why is it that for a week i can be ok,

even happy,

and then it hurts.

it hurts in my heart,

in my soul.

for a while i can fall asleep all by my self,

no help needed,

and then i need you next to me.

i was happy you were gone

i was free and the world seemed to have more air in it then before,

but now your back and i cant breath

and i cant focus

and i cant sleep.

help me,

let me go,

let me walk away,

let me find my own adventures.

i was happy when you went away.

i don't want to hurt you... i just want to save myself.

when i am with you its like i am drowning and only you can save me.

but i need to save myself,

here comes a feeling you thought you'd forgotten

he sets down his pen an looks right at her, deep eyes into darker eyes, away she went down the rabbit hole,

:not today:

(look away, look away, look away)

"i am glad your here, but i'm unhappy"

"what?"

"i want control of my mind back for a while.... give me a year or two, umm maybe six, i promise i still want you, i also need my own mind"

"i still need you"

"i need you too:i still want you:"

eyes shut

The bearers of all good things arrive, climb inside us, twist and cry

she sits down

blue paper

blue pen

hand... ready

mind...

hmmm...

coming.

list

Things To Do

comm HW

HSC paper

...

sit in sun

Change world

marry walter

...

psy test

so... better do that,

light clicks off

crawl under comforter

close eyes

melt

nobody makes me feel this way

smooth ice. crisp stars. laughter. fingers tingle. cheeks numb. soft hands. your whispering in my ear. the cold is bitting my eyes. shiver. heart beat. face in neck. soap...

"i may be in love with you"

unknown. warm lips on my forehead. now cheeks. hmmm. no longer cold. brightest stars. ice skating on late january nights.

i don't want you but i need you

i like falling in love slowly.

first i dip my toes in the water, testing, waiting to see if its safe. worried. waiting. and ready to pull my feet out at the first ripple of trouble. timidly pushing myself further into the water.

up to my waist and now i'm waiting to be pulled in.

waiting quietly and scared to be loved.

waiting for you to make the journey from the depth to the shallow sandy bottom where i stand, and pull me in.

i'll gently fall, holding my breath, and then finding i am able to breath.

hey remember that time i would only eat boxes of tangerines

when she wakes up in the morning, the first thing she smells is him. 

she likes the quiet in the morning and the sound of the world around her not interrupted by the bustle of people. 

she loves the quiet meditation, and the way the world is silent, waiting for the first breath of life.

and then it begins, breath, movement, the toast pops up, her orange juice is fresh, she can feel the life rush down her throat.

she walks out her door, soft feet on warm pavement, down the steps, to the mail box, cold paper on her hands.

she begins to read, and finds herself at the dinning room table, comics first then the world.

teapot whistling, hot water through the tea leaves. 

upstairs andrew bird whistling,

the day begins

Yawny At The Apocalypse

He loves her because she loves 

the mornings, 

when she wakes up she makes breakfast, 

eggs sunny side up,

then she puts on andrew bird,

the song with the birds and then the violin comes, 

he wakes up with her face pressed into his neck and the sound of birds in his bedroom. then she kisses his jaw and wraps her arms around him pulling their comforter close around them. 

she likes falling asleep early in the night,

crawling into bed tired after a worthwhile day. 

she likes to dance before bed,

loud music,

hair flying, 

and then she falls into bed, 

breathing heavily, 

then more slowly, 

eyes closing, "come to bed" he always has to study, 

he comes to bed, 

listens to her fall asleep, 

and then the books.