The bearers of all good things arrive, climb inside us, twist and cry

she sits down

blue paper

blue pen

hand... ready

mind...

hmmm...

coming.

list

Things To Do

comm HW

HSC paper

...

sit in sun

Change world

marry walter

...

psy test

so... better do that,

light clicks off

crawl under comforter

close eyes

melt

nobody makes me feel this way

smooth ice. crisp stars. laughter. fingers tingle. cheeks numb. soft hands. your whispering in my ear. the cold is bitting my eyes. shiver. heart beat. face in neck. soap...

"i may be in love with you"

unknown. warm lips on my forehead. now cheeks. hmmm. no longer cold. brightest stars. ice skating on late january nights.

i don't want you but i need you

i like falling in love slowly.

first i dip my toes in the water, testing, waiting to see if its safe. worried. waiting. and ready to pull my feet out at the first ripple of trouble. timidly pushing myself further into the water.

up to my waist and now i'm waiting to be pulled in.

waiting quietly and scared to be loved.

waiting for you to make the journey from the depth to the shallow sandy bottom where i stand, and pull me in.

i'll gently fall, holding my breath, and then finding i am able to breath.

hey remember that time i would only eat boxes of tangerines

when she wakes up in the morning, the first thing she smells is him. 

she likes the quiet in the morning and the sound of the world around her not interrupted by the bustle of people. 

she loves the quiet meditation, and the way the world is silent, waiting for the first breath of life.

and then it begins, breath, movement, the toast pops up, her orange juice is fresh, she can feel the life rush down her throat.

she walks out her door, soft feet on warm pavement, down the steps, to the mail box, cold paper on her hands.

she begins to read, and finds herself at the dinning room table, comics first then the world.

teapot whistling, hot water through the tea leaves. 

upstairs andrew bird whistling,

the day begins

Yawny At The Apocalypse

He loves her because she loves 

the mornings, 

when she wakes up she makes breakfast, 

eggs sunny side up,

then she puts on andrew bird,

the song with the birds and then the violin comes, 

he wakes up with her face pressed into his neck and the sound of birds in his bedroom. then she kisses his jaw and wraps her arms around him pulling their comforter close around them. 

she likes falling asleep early in the night,

crawling into bed tired after a worthwhile day. 

she likes to dance before bed,

loud music,

hair flying, 

and then she falls into bed, 

breathing heavily, 

then more slowly, 

eyes closing, "come to bed" he always has to study, 

he comes to bed, 

listens to her fall asleep, 

and then the books.

The trees in the moonshine were a dark lattice

she walked through the olive trees, the sun touched the lips of the mountains ahead. she knew dusk would soon wear into night. she heard her footsteps crushing the dried brush at her feet. the end of summer, soon her softspoken world would come to an end. she felt the wind rush through the trees and over her neck, she sat on her knees, in the middle of the forest of golden trees, and waited.  an owl flew overhead,    the field mice crept away, then she heard him,  whistling a careless tune. off key but sweet none the less. his body swayed with the rhythm of his whistling, his easel swung beside him. she could feel him drawing nearer, she laid low in the grass. the dried grass crackled in alarm, he stopped, set down the easel and began to work, his whistle transformed to a hum. the notes formed upon his lips, she knew them from the town dance the month before. his slow methodical movement changed, he seemed almost violent now, the colors clashing and then finding there place. she watched the sky appear, stars peaking through the cracks in the night. she stood and began to walk, finishing what she had begun, but her mind was no longer clear, she began to run the branches whipped her face, her breath came faster, and then she was there where she had begun, the light rushed out to greet her, then came her love, his face flushed. 

dewy-eyed disney bride

She called him up. " I think I'm in love with you"

silence "I'm sorry, this wasn't as therapeutic as I thought it would be... can you speak, are we still friends, I didn't think this through, I'm.."

"Wait! i don't want to be your friend."

"oh... why did i do this. I am so.."

"No, i love you too"

"wait, what... when did this happen?"

"last summer."

"I never saw you,"

"i know it just happened, i've been stuck there ever since"

"i'm sorry, why didn't you ever say anything? i've been waiting for you"

"since when"

"8th grade."

"i didn't really realize it till this year either, but i think i knew it the whole time."

"why did you let me go thorough all your friends"

"why didn't you love me when we met?"

"... i ... i was just a boy"

"i was just a girl;      maybe this isn't what i wanted. i'm sorry"

"wait, this is, its just, your my best friend."

"Then why haven't we talked all year?"

"You live 2000 miles away"

"i don't know what that has to do with it"

"...you know in The Great Gatsby, how Gatsby has this unquenchable desire, for daisy; no matter what, well your my daisy, i had to make myself presentable." 

"i'm a mess, i dont know what i'm doing with my life, where i want to be in 10 days, and you feel the need to pull you life together, can't you just sit in the filth with me"

"i don't know this is just a part of who i am,"

"but i don't want your put together self, i want your real self, i want to wake up next to my honest love not my perfect love."